~Katie Gordon
I didn’t think I’d miss you this much
I thought I had already said goodbye
After all the pain you suffered
And this time spent watching you die
I didn’t think it’d be this hard
Time and age took their toll
I had already lost so much of you
But you were still here to hold
But it’s not the same without you here
As I walk the familiar halls
Sights and smells and sounds surround me
Smiles and happy faces decorate the walls
I thought I knew what it meant
I thought I had let you go
Now I miss everything
And wish for just another moment to hold
There won’t be anymore special holidays
At least not the same
But I know you’ll be with us in spirit
And no longer in any pain
I remember so many glimpses of the past
I remember how special you made me feel
I don’t want to lose that
But I don’t know if I can find it without you here
I didn’t really know you
But you were always there
So much a part of my life
And now there’s an empty chair
We cling to the tangibles
Dividing left and right
When there is so much more of you
In the simple things we say and do
Packing up the memories
Leaving this place behind
No more trips, spontaneous visits
To this place where love was always mine
So much you’ll miss out on
So much I wanted to share
You made me who I am
But you won’t be there
Are you watching from above
Are the stars shining bright
I’ll make a wish on one
Like we did together on a long ago night
Tears come suddenly
From out of the blue
Little things, here and there
Remind me of you
I didn’t know the pain would be so great
A hole in my chest
A thundercloud
This heavy weight
Nothing is the same
I wanted it to be done
Guilt battles with relief
How could I have wanted you gone
Thought I could put it all behind me
I didn’t expect so much still to do
Didn’t know this wouldn’t be the end
That I’d go on missing you
I want to scream and shout
People get in the way
Bite my tongue
Hold back the words I wish I could say
Join together
Fall apart
Sometimes we love
Sometimes we hurt
Don’t want to rearrange my life this way
The pieces no longer fit
Jagged edges, missing parts
How do I make sense of this
A part of me is missing
My foundation is askew
Off balance, off kilter
Feeling restless, rootless without you
Life goes on
I know it does
But right now
I just want it to be the way it was
But I knew it was coming
Was grateful for the end
But now that you’re gone
I want it to do over again
I’m not always sure what love is
But I know I love you
And more than anything
I know I was loved by you too
I miss you, Memer
