~Daniela Davies
I walked away!
Just like so many nights before. Walked away, but yearned to kiss her. The tension palpable in the air, but yet no kiss.
We made small talk.
“Wow. Its really ACTUALLY cold tonight.”
“Yeah it rarely gets this cold down here.”
Although the rarely cool weather in So. Cal. is something to get exited over, it was nothing like her piercing, golden eyes.
“Well, Good Night…”
“Good Night,” the words left dangling, a proposition in the unusually cool air. With obvious reluctance, we turned our separate ways. I folded my self into my little honda. I watched her walk away in my rearview mirror, and turned the key in the ignition. As I slowly pulled away from the curb, I flipped on the radio. Death Cab For Cutie, an album I borrowed from her, blared.
…Ivory lines lead, Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho….
I smack the back button, to linger in the emo moment.
…There’s a tear in the fabric your favorite dress, and I’m sneaking glances…
What if this is the last chance I get to kiss her?
…Looking for the patterns in static, they start to make sense the longer I’m at it…
My dramatic side takes over and circles the block. I see her passing her neighbors, I want to call out to her, but decide otherwise. I return to my original spot, feeling like a complete and total idiot.
I text her:
“I feel silly…I just circled back around.. I felt like this was like this was last
chance to kiss u”
“Where are you”
“Same place lol”
“On my way”
I sat in my seat for a few seconds, feeling my pulse rise, and my hands get clammy. This would feel like fear if it didn’t feel so good. I open the door but reached back to put our anthem on repeat. I make my way around the back the of the car, wondering what’s taking her so long. I open the passenger side door, and try to sit casually. Ha, what a joke, “casually.” I’m so nervous, I can hear my pulse now. I let my mind drift to the lyrics for a minute…
…Ivory lines lead Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho…
How many times have I sung that refrain with her ivory lines in mind? A stir in my vision, in the peripherals, brings me back to the present. As she makes her way to me, I look up.
“I feel silly. Am I silly?”
“Yes!”
“Why is this so hard? Why is it so hard to cross the barrier of friendship?”
“I don’t know.”
…Your heart is a river that flows from your chest. Through every organ Your brain is the dam. And i am the fish who can’t reach the core…
I mumble some other words about embarrassment and the silliness of the situation.
…Oh, instincts are misleading. You shouldn’t think what you’re feeling. They don’t tell you what you know you should want…
She leans forward, removing herself from the luxurious recline of my car. Fearing that she has given up on me, I catch her arm, and say
“Ok, Come here.” This is it. I’m really going to do it. I pull her close to me, our breasts pushing up against each other. I don’t expect, however, the ferocity of my need. I kiss her so hard, so hungrily. realizing that she isn’t going anywhere, and lighten up, run my hand behind her neck, into her hair, feeling the sweet, warm pressure of her lips against mine. Surprised by her playful lip nibble, I pull away, and breathlessly sigh into her mouth,
“…your skin is just as soft as I imagined it…”
A few more moments of the warm, soft kiss before we break away from each other.
I stagger to keep my balance in the heat and pounding heart beats. I crack some kind of stupid joke about holding on to my car to keep from falling over. Out of the night I hear her say,
“Well…that’s outta the way.”
I dumbly say,
“I’ll really leave this time, I promise.” Logical thoughts fight the current of hormones streaming to my brain. This time as I pull away from the curb I see fireworks. Although I know they are from Disneyland, I think, “How Moulin Rouge of me to see fireworks after that kiss.”
I make my way home, (a trip I have made easily before), and I become utterly and completely lost in Downtown Los Angeles.
