The Proposal

~Bethany Lauren Grigsby

To my potential-but-not-guaranteed or wholly essential future male life-partner
I come with a proposal
That if we commit to walking down an aisle of marriage
We commit to walking in a certain kind of life

First order of business:
Let’s take an axe and chop down that white picket fence they told us we must live with
And with it let’s burn a fire so hot that we can finally melt that shining armor that Sleeping Beauty cast upon you

Because baby, I am not a damsel in distress
I am not a genetically inferior piece of flesh
I am a woman and I am strength

And surely, I am also mortal dust and weakness too
And there are days when despair weighs so heavily upon my chest that I doubt the possibility of just one more breath
But please don’t try to be my life support when I fear the forces of death
Instead, breathe life with me when I don’t believe in it
Hope with me when I sure as hell don’t see it
Be with me and not in front of me
Surround me but do not cover me
And I will pledge to do nothing but the same to you

Because if my form of feminism is just me taking you over as a head
Then our relationship will still have a violent end
So let us share life together
As the fibers of one flexible neck,
as nurturing breasts upon a single chest
as open hands and not closed fists
as feet that walk in peace when they would rather kick

Cause baby I’ve got big plans
Like us washing the dishes together
You mopping the bathroom floor as I scrub the countertop
And me pumping the basketball as you drive to the court for our next one-on-one

Darling, I’ve got galactic dreams
Of doing silly things like baking for the high schoolers from that sucky-ass garage band
Having the neighbor and his annoying dog over for dinner instead of poisoning it like we sure as hell want to
And listening to the stories of that elderly couple over and over again until we know it better than them
Honey, I want to go to lots of places like
Across the street to the local businesses
Down the corner to the bus stop
And up the road to the park

My love, if we adopt or have children I want to raise them with GREAT ideas
Like…not hating gay people

My sunshine, I want to accomplish mighty things
Like getting over our need to accomplish

I know they told you that you need to go out there and be a breadwinner
But please come back inside and let’s need knead something together
Let’s bask in the fragrance of un-productivity
As we tell the toxins of busyness to go to hell
Let’s eat the life-giving bread of mutuality and not the feast of domination
Let’s do this until our wrinkles set in and our hands are cracked with the dough of untraditional marriage

And let it be clarified
That this type of life cannot be quantified
It is not heroic and should not be romanticized

It is living simply when America tells us to live large
It is walking in equality rather than taking up patriarchy’s arms
It is sacrifice and working damn well hard
It is eating and breathing and one day dying

And it is in view of this that I say
To my potential-but-not guaranteed or wholly essential future male life-partner
I come with a proposal
That if we commit to walking down an aisle of marriage
We commit to walking in a certain kind of life