the letters matter but what about the space in between.
never have i seen
something so lively
it allows me to dance
and feel free
anything, busting, i must sing
out this song that I feel vibrating
withing my heart
I can hear my fingers start to reverberate words i have never used before
all along hovering over this keyboard
control, alt, delete.
think
what are the exact words that I want to say to thee?
OH! i can feel it screamin
if my heart had hands it be reachin out to the world
while staying even with it’s beat
where the fuck is that mic?!
I was out in the street tonight . . .
I want everyone to see that we are all F A M I L Y
smile (=
these words I leave behind.
for some it is
a glass of wine
to unwind
at the end of a stressful day
for others
a grueling and intense
session at the gym
to work off steam
for some it is
headphones in the ears
and volume on blast
not a second thought
spent on the past
for others
it’s a slow drag
then passed along
exhaling worries
out with the smoke
for me
it is this pen
and these pages
these words
and this emotion
you may keep
your spirits and
your stairmaster
you may have
your music
and your substances
but leave for me
Poetry
on the page
I am free
this pen takes me
anywhere I want to be
I can plunge down deep
digging into the depths of despair
or I can traverse the tricky
terrain of life’s troublesome trials
I can linger a while in lament
or I can relish a reverie of the ridiculous
I can soar high on the strong wing of hope
or I can anguish in the longings of love
I can roar and storm with rage
or I can whisper a gentle rainfall of tears
I have
no limits
no rules
no borders
no authorities
no judgments
save my own
but even those I put on mute
while pen glides
across paper
leaving ink footprints in the shape of
words
thoughts
images
moments
here
is where I
find
become
am myself
fully
deeply
exquisitely
Poetry is my
favorite mirror
in which to
gaze upon my soul’s countenance
an image I carry with me
when forced through
the madhouse maze of
distorted carnival mirrors
Poetry reminds me
who I am
and
who I want to be
in Poetry
I am not white
I am not female
I simply am
experience
movement
human
The womb is where life begins.
As women we are the mighty warriors of life giving creatures. Our womb speaks. Many times we are not aware. We don’t often listen to the powers of its growth and impact on our daily lives. This blog revolves around when I began to listen to my womb thru my miscarriages.
Recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) takes “balls” to live with. It means persevering when all your hope has been washed away. Growing strength in areas you never knew you’d visit or even existed.
Walking, falling, crawling humbly with all your might.
Holding your heart, your tears, bare foot, broken on the path that has twists, storms, mountain’s to climb with no guarantee at the end.
Each day. Each minute is a mystery.
My womb spoke to me in way I didn’t expect. Not like when my son was born. That was joy, bliss, & the meaning of the miracle of my womb. My precious womb was alive. Despite my loss’s. My womb worked. My womb did what mother nature intended it to do.
It’s alive. It works.
My mind and heart are empty. But, my womb works. It’s doing it’s job. Sometimes, with RPL it can be interpreted that the womb isn’t working. It feels like the womb isn’t producing the life it was meant to give when there is a miscarriage. However, I believe in my womb.
In the midst of all the grief and pain, I know my womb is wise.
I know she hears my tears and yearning to carry another full term life. I believe in her.
God placed in her my body. Mother nature is wise. Together they will do miracles, as they already have.
I didn’t think I’d miss you this much
I thought I had already said goodbye
After all the pain you suffered
And this time spent watching you die
I didn’t think it’d be this hard
Time and age took their toll
I had already lost so much of you
But you were still here to hold
But it’s not the same without you here
As I walk the familiar halls
Sights and smells and sounds surround me
Smiles and happy faces decorate the walls
I thought I knew what it meant
I thought I had let you go
Now I miss everything
And wish for just another moment to hold
There won’t be anymore special holidays
At least not the same
But I know you’ll be with us in spirit
And no longer in any pain
I remember so many glimpses of the past
I remember how special you made me feel
I don’t want to lose that
But I don’t know if I can find it without you here
I didn’t really know you
But you were always there
So much a part of my life
And now there’s an empty chair
We cling to the tangibles
Dividing left and right
When there is so much more of you
In the simple things we say and do
Packing up the memories
Leaving this place behind
No more trips, spontaneous visits
To this place where love was always mine
So much you’ll miss out on
So much I wanted to share
You made me who I am
But you won’t be there
Are you watching from above
Are the stars shining bright
I’ll make a wish on one
Like we did together on a long ago night
Tears come suddenly
From out of the blue
Little things, here and there
Remind me of you
I didn’t know the pain would be so great
A hole in my chest
A thundercloud
This heavy weight
Nothing is the same
I wanted it to be done
Guilt battles with relief
How could I have wanted you gone
Thought I could put it all behind me
I didn’t expect so much still to do
Didn’t know this wouldn’t be the end
That I’d go on missing you
I want to scream and shout
People get in the way
Bite my tongue
Hold back the words I wish I could say
Join together
Fall apart
Sometimes we love
Sometimes we hurt
Don’t want to rearrange my life this way
The pieces no longer fit
Jagged edges, missing parts
How do I make sense of this
A part of me is missing
My foundation is askew
Off balance, off kilter
Feeling restless, rootless without you
Life goes on
I know it does
But right now
I just want it to be the way it was
But I knew it was coming
Was grateful for the end
But now that you’re gone
I want it to do over again
I’m not always sure what love is
But I know I love you
And more than anything
I know I was loved by you too
